i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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