There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
