My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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