you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
