i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
