Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
