I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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