I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
