What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
