it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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