I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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