Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
