I should be sponsored by Trojan
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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