Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
