Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
