there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
