Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
