There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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