So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
