I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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