Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
