do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
