my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
