Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
