I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
