half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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