I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
