porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
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