Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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