Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
