the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
