is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
