he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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