Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
