here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
