He is such a slut. More and more my type.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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