id be glad to
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
