We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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