I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
