Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
