then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
