i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
what day is it and did you see me today?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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