I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Life is so much better after having sex.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
