filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
