you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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