We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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