so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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