i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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