Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
