Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
