Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
