Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
